I've had a life-changing experience as of late, and I want people to know about it.
My heart has not been in full surrender to neither the reality of Jesus nor the love of Jesus. Through some vulnerability with great friends and wise words from a lot of them and other sources (J.D. Greer's "gospel" series, for instance) I've realized that true contentment and peace can only come from a love for God, which can only be through a love for Jesus Himself.
But I've known this. In my head.
I'm a theology girl; I like logical theology and rationalizing how God and Jesus makes sense. I'm a sinner, I need a Savior, God loves me and died for me to save me. It makes sense, and I love that the Gospel makes since. And I love this theology; it's beautiful, and without it true love for Jesus could not exist.
But relationship with God, with Jesus, is so much for than logical theology.
I'm also a highly passionate girl. I love passion, actually. I can fall in love in a second. I go on adventures, some more sketch than others, for the sake of thrill, like going on a bike ride at 1 in the morning, or going to Turkey for 3 months by myself, etc. I get bored a lot, I'm discontent a lot, that's why I do them.
This summer, I got really bored. With myself and with my situations, so I made some mistakes, huge leaps into a life that didn't resemble anything that I knew to be true. It took these mistakes to make me realize how uncontent my heart was.
But the discontent didn't stop when the leaves started changing. This semester I've gone through spouts of depression, mostly guilt driven and selfishly based; normal for a response to some decisions I've made. I was honestly to the point where I felt miserably hopeless inside. Hopeless. Not the emotions that come out of a Christian's heart. Something was evidently wrong.
HELLO. Jesus. My heart honestly did not belong to Him.
It's so elementary, but we cannot miss the love and the blessings that are given to us through a relationship with Jesus. Jesus is real. Just to reiterate, JESUS IS REAL. He comes to us in our real hopelessness, our real discontentedness and literally lifts us out of them. His jealous love will not leave us abandoned to the World. And just to reiterate, Jesus is real. And so is a relationship with Him. It's not a metaphor. It's not just a nice idea. The person of Jesus makes relationship with God real and His Spirit is inside of us; only this kind of passion can fulfill a passion-craved World.
God is so patient with His children. He is so patient with us who wander about aimlessly, even knowing the truth, and turn to things to rationalize our existence.
Ask Jesus to be more than logical theology for you; ask him to be real. He will be real. I've experienced peace this week in a way that I know is only from Him. It's the peace that the Bible talks about and is unknown to the World. I'm not sure why it's taken me so long to realize that my heart can fall in love with Jesus, that my passion can go crazy for Him. That actually, my heart was made with a passion that was meant to fall in love with Him. Seek Him; He'll answer you.